3 years...

My first little man turned 3 on Sunday.



As a mother it's hard, (hello captain obvious!) yet so rewarding watching your children grow up.
I'm reminded so much of how short life is, and how precious it is.

(pardon the heaviness here, but it's my heart)

For the past three years, I've followed two amazing women (their blogs).  They probably have no idea who I am, yet they have touched my life in a  way I cannot describe.   Angie  and  Raechel have something in common with me, yet their stories are so much different.  I've been reading their blogs since their little girls (Audrey and Evie, respectively) were born into this world pretty much, about the same time my little Elijah was born. I remember how I felt the day Elijah was born. I should've been elated, and happy and excited, and I was to some extent, but deeper within I was bitter, withdrawn and cold. Not only that, I was mad. I was mad at God, at my circumstances, my life in general. If you know my story, you probably know why. If you don't know my story, perhaps some day I'll share it in it's fullness here, but that is not for now. Long story short, I was mad at God, because I was blind. I couldn't see my baby when he was born. I was devastated, hurt, and downright angry. Was it justified? Maybe. But life is so much more than that. These beautiful ladies showed me what grace looks like in hard times.  I felt like nothing was going my way, like the world was stacked against me, and here these beautiful women were, giving birth to their sweet girls, only to say goodbye until eternity. Ouch. How's that for a dose of reality to a new mother who is sulking in her own emotions. So, every year I celebrate Elijah's life, with a heavy heart for these sweet women, yet rejoicing for the grace God taught me through them.

I'm so proud of who Elijah is becoming. He has a passion to love. And he has a passion for Jesus. I love to listen to him pray, and sing songs he's learned at church, or even ask to say the books of the Bible (they are learning them in children's church so we say them and let him repeat and he's remembering!) Just this week Derek and I were talking about a few things we love about this age. I personally love the way he'll jump out of the doorway into whatever room you're in and yell "kerprise mommy!" (surprise) Derek shared with me how much he loves that Elijah doesn't just jump, he jumps and exclaims "bounce, bounce" anytime he's doing so. He is so full of fun and energy, and yet so sweet and gentle when he needs to be and I adore that. He is in love with his big sister, and with his baby brother and I couldn't ask for a sweeter 3 year old to call my own.